This is a powerful little realisation I had just before getting in the shower yesterday.
For those familiar with the idea of imposed conditions—whether self-imposed or placed on us by others—this may not come as too much of a shock. For those who aren’t, I’d suggest taking a little time to read around these concepts. It’s amazing how much control they can end up having over our lives.
Standing there, I noticed how easily tension appears when reality doesn’t line up with an internal “should.” From a Perceptual Control Theory (PCT) point of view, these shoulds are internal reference points—conditions we carry about how we expect ourselves, others, or life itself to be. Without ever consciously choosing them, we act to control our experience so it matches these references.
What struck me was that the discomfort I was feeling wasn’t coming from the moment itself, but from an old condition quietly running in the background. The moment I saw it as just a reference—something learned rather than something true—it loosened its grip. Nothing outside changed, yet the sense of pressure dropped almost immediately.
Simply highlighting how many of our struggles aren’t caused by circumstances, but by the conditions we’re unconsciously trying to satisfy.